This is a Trip Report from the Upper Class cabin
Ground Staff
Food & Drink
Entertainment
Seat
Cabin Crew
And so all good things must come to an end. My brief visit to see my friends new baby, see a few exhibits at the V&A and do some shopping was over, but it was certainly finishing on a high note a UC voyage on Virgin Atlantic! Here, now, my final, ex-UK leg TR with what I hope is a comprehensive overview of the experiences I, uh, experienced.
0730 (UK Time) Arrive LHR via Heathrow Express. Hath man ever invented a more useful form of transport? Hath it not grace and fragrance? Whilst I truly understand the value of the VS UC car service, I just adore the speed and convenience of this little train.
0743 Arrive at check-in where there are no lines and plenty of smiles. Top drawer.
0750 Its time to hit duty free! Did some damage at Emporio Armani (recent addition to the shops) and Paul Smith. Was angry at myself because nearly everything I bought at Selfridges by Paul Smith was on sale here at a savings. Note to self Selfridges is now a look, dont touch experience! [:p]
0805 -- Arrived at the new CH and all I could manage to stammer was, wow! I accepted the proffered tour from the gent at the welcome stand, then checked in at the spa to reconfirm my pre-booked Rhinestone Cowboy treatment. Then wandered to the Library section to review emails.
0808 Drink and brekkie order taken I requested a Virgin Special Bellini and the signature dish of eggs and salmon. I carried on answering emails, and sent a private V-Flyer message to Preiffer about the fabulousness of the new CH as I couldn't contain myself and had to reach out to someone! [:D]
0817 -- Brekkie served. Truly delicioussalmon was generous potion, fresh and flavorful, eggs not firm but not runny. Perfect. Watched TV on the plasma screen and read/sent more e-mails.
0925 -- Presented myself at cowshed spa for my 0930 treatment and was immediately ushered into treatment. The Rhinestone Cowboy was greatvery relaxing even if it involved a strange woman wielding a razor blade at my face! [:0] The only gripe I might offer is that the products were cold upon first application to the face and there was a bit of a draft in the cubicle which was more noticeable in the event I had had to remove my shirt for the shave/massage.
1000 Our gate number (31) is posted. I reluctantly left the CH with a hearty thank you and well done! to the greeters at the welcome stand and made the short walk to gate 31, where Tinker Belle (V:Port!!!) awaited. Saw that there was already a long queue but also noticed the big purple sign that said priority boarding for UC pax. I thus went to the front of the line and stood by sign where I was immediately helped by the check-in gent BUT heard anguished whisper from some old dear behind me along the lines of, why, he just skipped the entire line!
I let it go because it embarrassed me and would just have embarrassed her if I'd given her a lecture about how spending more presents one with privileges such as priority boarding. For all concerned, I wish Virgin would sort out their boarding at LHR. They need to more clearly define a priority line, and dedicate a staff person to it, as they do so well at SFO. All that handled, I sat in the departure lounge for awhile with all my fellow citizenry whom I truly do love, no matter what class they may fly in! [:D]
1030 I was called to board and was third onboard. Upon reaching the upper deck and my seat 4K, I heard the couple who had boarded before me immediately set into complaining about how Upper Class suites precluded them talking to one another! Given the nasally blah blah blah of her voice I bet the gent was glad to have it as such! [}:)]
1031 -- Champagne served. On G-VBIG, suite 4K is a bit dinged up...biro marks on the left-hand leather wall, but the white right-hand side, drinks tray, TV screen, etc., are all in fine shape.
1033 -- I think I will hate the lady in 3A...she has an ongoing monologue of tedious comments to her companion, delivered in an everyone-must-care-what-I-have-to-say volume. Where is Black Cat when one needs him to give this woman a stifling, icy stare? [}:)]
1037 An absolute, bona fide crisis!!! A flight attendant informs me that V:Port, Virgins massively differentiating IFE product is completely down and there will be only two channels of entertainment for the entire journey. This is terrible because I always try to stay awake for the entire westward journey. Its truly a massive disappointment and I am going to complain to VS. Ridiculous. So much for Nanny McPhee! Bugger. [n][n][n][n][n][n][n]
1043 I had to ask the lad attending the upper deck UCS to hang my jacket even though it was sitting on my ottoman in full view. Two other pax had to ask, too. Is this going to be one of those stupid flights with both awful pax (Nasal Lady) and slipshod service? The flight over was wonderful...is it possible to get two back to back flights on this airline that are flawlessly executed? I am beginning to wonder.
1051 -- Electronics usage announcement made. Your inflight magazine has details of the entertainment on offer for today's flight -- umm, right. [:(!]
1054 The last open UC seats on the upper deck are filled with their respective pax so we are a full house up here. One of the late arrivals is wearing a pink velvet trackie and aged about 60 -- but no sign of Wayne Rooney. Ahem! [}:)]
1101 -- Scheduled takeoff time comes and goes with no word as to status.
1103 -- Captain welcomes all via tannoy. He informs us that well be taking off to the west, then head north to our initial cruising height of 34k ft. The flight time will be 10 hours and 21 minutes. All without IFE [:(!]
1112 Announcement made for all ground staff to leave the aircraft.
1113 Announcement made requesting all electronics be turned off, doors closed, and the imminent commencement of a manual safety demo.
1115 G-VBIG pushes back from LHR Gate 31 and the safety demo commences.
There follows the typical, meandering taxi up and down the wilds of outer Heathrow until
1145 G-VBIG rotates and we ascend through a bumpy climb.
1147 The FSM intros herself and welcomes all aboard via tannoy. We are informed of the illegalities of smoking, the usefulness of ones seatbelt, and the perils of drink.
1153 The seatbelt light is switched off.
1159 Ozwald Boateng amenity kits are handed out and I gleefully discover I got the luggage tags -- kewl!!! I enquire as to a Carlos and am told they are in racks down by the bar so I went and got one. Articles in this issue include a bitchy profile of Sharon Stone (shell never fly VS after reading this, I promise you), a history of trends, a profile of Rick Rubin and a short, rather inconsequential work of fiction by Magnus Mills.
1210 -- Drinks order was taken. I requested the Chateau du Tasta bordeaux as I am reading Fabers The Judgement of Paris about the famed 1976 California v France wine tasting and wanted to try the French side for once as I have been resolutely new world for some time now (aside from buckets of Chateauneuf du Pape!)
1215 Sky News begins. Iran is looking dodgy but Ruud has put a nail to the Hammers so its a bit of bad, a bit of good! [:p]
1216 IFBT intros herself and takes my treatment order. I request a back, neck and shoulder massage but doubt I'll be picked due to CH treatment, as well as my seeming invisibility to IFBTs on recent trips.
1218 My drink is delivered...but where are the promised papadoms? I have to ask for them again. Grrrrrr.....
1228 -- Flight Manager personally introduces herself to me and apologizes for the IFE cock-up. Apparently engineers were loading Aprils movies and the whole system went ka-pow. I made a joke of it and said April fools, huh! and we had a laugh. She handed me a Carlos but I demurred as I had already fetched one downstairs. She was lovely and accepted blame on behalf of Virgin without any reservations or attempt to blame technology, vendors, the Labour Party or anyone else. Not a pretty situation, but full marks to her for stepping up for the side!
1244 -- We appear to be passing over the last of the mainland...God save Britain and see you again in June!
1247 -- Luncheon orders were taken. As the new Best of British menu is posted elsewhere in these vaunted halls, I shall merely relate my choices. I took the spring herb salad with Scottish Loch Fyne salmon, the bangers and mash, the Mull of Kintyre cheddar (with a customized request for a bit of branston pickle), and for dessert I tried the rhubarb crumble.
At this point I will divert my focus from VS-specific to one of a more broad, cultural view namely, the fact that rhubarb seems to be the glue holding the UK together right now. Its impossible to avoid! I had had a rhubarb crumble at St. John in Smithfield two days previous, a rhubard meringue pie slice at Harvey Nichols the day before and now this rhubarb offering. Interesting (to me, at least!). Anyway, I love rhubarb so bring it on. [:D]
For wine I asked for the Aussie chardonnay with the salad and the Chateau du Tasta Bordeaux once more with the main. For the cheese I stuck with Bordeaux, and for dessert I had the prosecco.
1305 What ho, nuncle! The V:Port screen has come up!!! You can scroll through the movie choices, i-map, etc., but...nothing works. It flickers on and off and choosing, say, Mrs. Henderson Presents deposits you into a Japanese-language documentary about island resorts instead of Dame Judys lap. Argh!!!! Alas, after this brief tease were informed that it's going to be back to two channels after all one for kiddies and the other showing the execrable Batman Begins. Ugh.
1316 -- Tablecloths are laid.
1319 -- Drinks are delivered (theres a definite pineapple hint in the chardonnay).
No sooner had I taken my first sip of wine than 5A and 5K decide they want to be friends. Both are droning businessmen who are standing in the aisle, one foot apart, yet still yelling at one another about leveraging new production models and ascertaining the right product mix to support the brand aspirations blah blah blah. God, what is it that makes some people determined to be so horribly uninteresting and to duel one another for top honors in that category?
The guy in 5K has his hand on my suite wall, with his fingers all the way over on my side, and I feel like giving them a good swat with Carlos. I was hoping food would soon be served and they would sit and shut it. I keep shooting the droners my best Black Cat looks in hopes theyll get it but no such luck...and with V:Port down theres no hope of drowning them out with movies or music. [:(!] That's why this plane has a bar, gents...go on down there and have at it there!
1330 -- Bread served (of the three choices, I take garlic) and my red wine is poured in advance of my entr_e.
1342 -- Starters served ...and, blessed be, the yammerers return to their corners. Though I fear a return to their boring, tired corporate drear after the meal's completion, at least for now the 747s upper bubble is quiet and peaceful.
1358 The mains arrive. Mine is delicious. The Porky White sausages are truly delicious, the champ is well-cooked and flavorful and the Newcastle Ale sauce, though hinting of Alan Shearer, is nonetheless a great addition to the meal. [:p]
1413 -- Trays cleared in anticipation of dessert.
1422 -- Dessert arrives. The rhubarb flavor is understated compared to the other two previous rhubarb delights Ive sampled this trip, but the pastry is just the right bit of lardy and wonderful and sugaryyum!!! But wheres my prosecco?
1432 -- No staff have appeared in cabin for 10 minutes so unable to order prosecco or inquire as to cheese course.
1437 -- Cheese arrives and I just bag the prosecco and order one final glass of the Chateau du Tasta. Its a fine petit chateau, rich with tannins and just the foil for the branston pickle they have remembered to serve with my cheese, I reckon!
1455 -- I have just witnessed the most hilariously horrifying thing in the history of aircraft...the woman who had the AUDACITY to take my beloved 3k just closed herself up in the suite like a clam. The silly bird pushed the convert button whilst seated and was thus pressed as flat as gammon in the suite's hungry jaw. The gent in 4A chivalrously leapt to her defense right at the moment of doom, saving her from real injury. After the initial kerfuffle of her rescue and inquiries as to her well-being, staff were having a bit of a giggle about it all in the galley and I must admit I had a laugh as well. It was just so preposterous looking...and embarrassing. All I could think was thank god it wasn't me and that she hadnt really been hurt!
1457 The last dishes and tablecloths are cleared so I stow the table and stretch out. A lad comes thru the cabin asking about duty free and I pop for a bottle of absinthe.
I spend the next several hours reading my book and dozing in and out of consciousness.
1950 A miracle transpires. Whilst semi-dozing, bemoaning a neck pinch and mild headache, the IFBT appears like an angel and beckons me to my shoulder/neck/head massage. It is wonderful and seems longer in duration than past treatments. Expertly done, it relieved both the neck pinch and the headache. I know how lucky I am to have gotten treatments onboard and in the CH and whilst it doesn't cure the pain of no V:Port, it does go some way to convincing me that balance is trying to assert itself in the world. [y]
After the treatment, I stopped by the bar for an OJ and had another nice chat with the steward...good chap. Passed other staff on way up stairs and all smiled and greeted me. I'm feeling a bit better now about the level of service onboard.
2035 -- Tea orders were taken...I requested finger sandwiches, scones with clotted cream, and tea with milk because I was feeling peckish.
2037 -- Tea is served that was fast!
2046 The cake stand is presented and, shockingly, I refuse any of the treats thereon.
2052 -- Tea service trays cleared.
1220 Pacific Time -- Advance notice of landing is made (45 minutes to go) and we are informed that the entertainment system (ha ha) is being shut off and headsets collected.
1229 -- Charity appeal announcement is made on tannoy, as well as a notice to pax to fill out landing cards and a reminder of foods forbidden in the USA.
1232 -- Captain announced that we would land at 1:10pm and that weather in SF was decent. Our descent will begin in approximately 10 minutes.
1238 -- Headphones and charity appeal envelopes were collected
1239 Announcement made on tannoy for return of DVD players. Sensation of planes descent is now palpable.
1241 -- Seatbelt light is switched on. Tannoy announcement calls for pax to open blinds, stow tray tables, baggage, etc.
1242 IFBT handed out priority treatment card to 3K but she got quite the massage from her suite earlier! LOL
1243 -- Announcement is made to entire plane that UCS need not put chairs upright as they are allowed to land in reclineis hurtling toward earth really the best time to incite class warfare? [:p]
1247 -- Hot towels were presented.
1249 Much less hot towels were collected.
1251 -- Cabin crew asked by captain to be seated for landing.
1300 -- Final approach chimes were sounded.
1305 VS019 G-VBIG landed at SFO.
1315 We pulled up at gate 8A. Egress is swift and sure, and I am soon out the door and stepping lightly toward customs hall. Upon arrival there soon after deplaning, I see blissfully short queues.
1321 I am through customs in record time!
1331 I fetch my bag off the carousel and am on my way to the connecting flight home to Seattle.
This flight was haunted by one big problem (no IFE) and some slip-ups on niggling details with regard to service consistency as well as annoying pax (not VSs fault, obviously). There were also the highlights of the new CH, great Best of British menu and some shining stars on the service team (particularly the FSM). In all, I would give the journey a B-, saved from average or worse by the amazing CH experience, the IFBT and the food.
See you back in 3K in June! [:)]
GJ
