Okay, I can answer some of this. Why do Special Assistance pax get boarded first? It's easier. The plane is empty, there are no other pax watching (yes, sometimes things happen which can cause embarrassment to the disabled person), and the crew is paying attention to ONLY the Special Assistance pax boarding (unless they started boarding them during the preflight checks).
Asking them to board last is not an option; if you'd ever moved through those narrow aisles in a wheelchair you'd know why. There is minimum clearance, and any elbow or knee in the aisle would have serious damage incurred as the chair rolled by.
Some disabled pax have no balance, and need strapped in to stay upright. America West, years ago, dumped an unlucky pax on the floor while doing a transfer, simply because they didn't strap her in as they went to her seat. (They actually hired her to give classes to f/a's so they'd know how to move disabled pax PROPERLY.) Can you imagine being strapped in and moved onto a plane in full view of the general public, many of which have no idea what a disabled person goes through? Can you imagine the hurtful comments made?
I don't have to. My father was in a wheelchair for years, and flew. Some of the things he heard still can bring me to tears if I think about them. Then again, some of the things I've heard aimed at me can do the same as well.
Once I asked for preboarding and was made to feel foolish for doing so. I didn't 'look' disabled enough. Later on the flight the crew found out why. I'd gone walkabout to the rear of the plane to get my legs moving, and someone bumped into me while I waited for one of the rear lavatories. Because I have no balance when hit from behind, I went down face-first into the aisle. Lesson the crew learned: some disabilities are 'invisible' ones. You can't see them just by looking; they most certainly still exist. Not everyone who is actually disabled uses a cane, crutches, wheelchair, or scooter. We also don't tell everyone what is actually wrong with us - it's personal, can be embarrassing, and is between us and our doctor(s).
If asked, I will mention the minimum necessary to inform the crew, but the law states I don't have to - it's a privacy issue. Rest assured, there is a card on my person with medical contact information, lists of the prescriptions I use, next-of-kin info, and other phone numbers if they're ever needed. I pray they never are. So far they haven't, but then again, I won't travel if I'm not fit to fly.
You know, I'm not defending people who abuse the system, but I myself am overweight, and yes, I do have three disabilities which fully qualify me for my permanent disability plates and ID in my wallet. You'd be surprised how many people think I'm asking for help 'just because' I'm fat. I wish that were the case. I can always diet, but no amount of making myself a size 2 will cure what ails me.
Not to make a thing about it, but the next time you see an overweight person getting on the plane ahead of you, please be kind. Of course, if you later hear them making comments as did avalon in FL, you may say whatever you like to them - people like that woman make my life unusually more difficult! If I'd been there, trust me, you'd have been able to hear me from MARS. [:(!]
