This is a Trip Report from the Premium Economy cabin
Ground Staff
Food & Drink
Entertainment
Seat
Cabin Crew
Quick followup to the outbound VS01 UC reported earlier this week. Mrs D reminds me that Carlos was only handed out one side of the plane (not ours) and that there were no chocolates on the bar. Mrs D asked for them and to give the FSM credit she did go off and find them but they were a shadow of their former selves - little square pieces not Roses or those other filled ones we've been seeing more recently.
Knowing we were down for an early start we checked into the Sheraton late on Saturday evening. We received a very warm
welcome and a room on the club floor. It's amazing how comfortable hotel beds have become over the past couple of years and the Sheraton is no exception. We'd checked availability and knew there was no chance of an upgrade, overbooked in all Premium Cabins so we checked in online to ensure we kept our preassigned seats - 19A and 19C. This went ahead without incident allowing us to plan to check in a bit later - no point in trying for exit row seats - they don't exist in PE on the 343!
We woke to a snow filled landscape - happy Xmas America! We opted to skip the complimentary breakfast in favour of the lounge and so hopped into the shuttle to the airport. There seemed to be a queue at the baggage drop so we opted to check in at UC. A very friendly security check then onto checkin. We still had the UC labels on from our outward journey so Mrs D suggested not bothering with the proffered PE labels. The checkin person seemed almost affronted by this complaining that this would lead to our bags not being scanned and lost in the system. She even chased one of our bags down the belt to ensure this was rectified! We weren't offered lounge passes but figured we'd have no problems with our FC Au cards and sure enough 5 minutes later we were in the Club House sitting down to a cooked breakfast which was actually better than we were expecting. That isn't to say that it was GOOD just that it was better than we were expecting.
Can I just get this off my chest? Some of the ground staff at EWR (with the exception of the CH crew) really really really suck.
Thanks for that.
Back to our trip...
By 7:30 the flight hadn't been called so we decided to make our way to the gate. Whilst Mrs D changed into her flight clothing I hung around the reception and listened to about 8 different people ask if the flight was on time. They were assured that it was. A new arrival was warned that the VS18 was going to be J2000 (or non suite as they were told). Given that we were in PE this was actually good news as they'd be the old seats. We made our way to the gate and waited for boarding. The Priority Board was put up and the Red Carpet rolled out so Mrs D and I joined a queue of 20 people assembled there. Boarding commenced without ANY announcements. Seeing this an alternate queue formed at right angles to the Priority Queue and people started filtering through on board. The member of Ground staff at that location called over her shoulder to the goateed employee behind the desk 'are we just letting anyone on?'. He laughed and said 'Yeah' and went back to not making boarding announcements.
We took our assigned seats and were pleased to have used the site seat maps to avoid the mistake of taking the first row. Due to not borarding by numbers the plane was soon at a standstill with people jams in the aisles. This meant that the pre drinks service was interrupted by the FA not being able to deliver due to people standing waiting to get to their seats. Eventually a small glass of champagne was delivered and duly consumed. People were filing past with two large non regulation bags, big shopping bags etc. A PA even had to be made explaining cabin luggage regulations and the possibility of checking luggage. I could only despair for the crew - the Ground Crew not boarding properly and not checking carry on limits made their job a LOT more difficult than it needed to be.
At one stage a member of ground staff came on board and started looking for 18D. Much hilarity ensued as she toed and froed
between 18D and 18G speaking to each occupant thereof whilst trying to work out which seat was which. Well it didn't but short of despair what can you say about a member of staff who can't tell the difference between the letter D and G?
Thus started the wait... after 45 minutes the Captain announced a delay whilst some essential paperwork was awaited. Given that loading freight hadn't finished this seemed a little disingenuous to say the least. At 75 minutes we were told that deicing was required and at 100 minutes we were told a second deicing was required as SOP. At 105 minutes we pushed back and at 125 minutes after scheduled time we rotated. ETA was given as 100 minutes after scheduled.
The male FSM made his announcements and the gentleman in front of me reclined immediately. Fortunately as the table in PE comes out of the seat this didn't impact my knees. Still wish people wouldn't do this until seat belt signs were off. Food service started pretty expeditiously with the offer of a 'full English breakfast' or a vegetarian omelette. Joy of joys, the gentleman in front of me erected his seat for his meal service (reclining again when he'd finished but hey, let's be grateful for small mercies).
To any non English people reading PLEASE rest assured that what you are served is NOT representative of any 'Full English Breakfast' I have EVER had. An acceptable fruit salad preceded the hot portion. A greasy sausage with half a cherry tomato, a small piece of greasy bacon, some lack lustre mushrooms and some very mushy potato slices. At least we THINK they were potato slices - I couldn't tell nor could Mrs D. Come to that neither could the people behind us who were interrogating each other in an 'Animal Vegetable Mineral' way. I followed this with a 'Strawberry/Banana' yoghourt that was LOADED with sugar (well high fructose corn syrup - would you like some Type II Diabetes with that?) and a SWEET granola bar... Sheesh I know they
have calorific guidelines but peeps you can get calories from things other than sugar you know! Mrs D and I made a mental note to bring food on board next time we flew any cabin other than J. Strangely whilst there was a choice of water/juice only with the 'meal' service it was followed with the 'Brandy or Baileys' service. Go Figure. As an aside - pointed out by Mrs D - all trays had orange juice on them; if you asked for Apple Juice you'd get Apple Juice and keep your Orange Juice. If you asked for Orange Juice you'd be pointed to the juice on your tray. Bear this in mind if you want to put a drink aside for later!
30 minutes after the trays were cleared (and Mrs D kipped down using her new eye mask fresh in from Sharper Image and highly recommended) another drinks service started.
At this point it is worth pointing out that the IFE will not be reviewed. In my books there's no point in getting eye strain trying to look at a 4' screen when the person in front is reclined. But for you list queens out there follows a list of films available...
The 40 year old virgin
Wallace and Grommit - The Curse of the Were Rabbit
Sky High
Goal
Hustle and Flow
Charlie and the Chocolate Factory
The Wedding Crashers
The Business
As I type I'm looking squarely at a sign on the bulkhead in front of me that reads 'UPPER CLASS ONLY - for your convenience lavatories are towards the rear of the aircraft'. Well thanks for that VS - I can see how convenient it is for me to have to walk further to get to toilets shared with several hundred more people than walking less distance to share with fewer people in Upper Class. Funnily when flying UC upstairs on the 747 I don't recall a sign telling me that for my convenience I can share PE's toilets at the back of the cabin. PE on a 343 really IS the mutant offspring locked away from public view.
Earlier the FSM had announced the availability of water and juice at all times at the rear galley. A word to the wise mate - tell the FAs that closing the galley curtain so you can apply makeup rather puts the kybosh on that one. But so does not having any drinks laid out so that people have to pour their own. Not a big thing but having been conditioned not to pour one's own at the bar it makes for some negative conditioning
Duty Free service commenced and our side was graced with a pair of giggling amateurs who took 10 minutes to process one simple transaction. Some levity ensued when the FA opposite asked then to check for an F192 on their trolley. This had to be repeated several times until the 9 was understood. They apologised with much giggling. 'Never mind' drolly quipped the FA asking 'Your English is better than my Japanese'. Well yes BUT you know on a US-UK flight the STRONG likelihood is that the lingua fraca will be English so perhaps FLUENCY in English should be a prerequisite not an optional extra? My order was taken and translated into Japanese for the benefit of the least fluent one. Suffice to say that 'Toblerone' seems to be difficult to translate but that miming a triangular piece of chocolate is less so.
The afternoon snack was served and VS really seem to think that junk food is the way to go for their non UC flyers. A choice of chicken/cheese salad on a very small roll, followed by a chocolate cookie (50% fat) and an American ice cream, vanilla ice cream with a 'Chocolate flavor coating with rice'. Again around 50% fat. Tea or coffee offered - again no alcohol.
Landing was no real drama but several UC passengers were left without coats after landing - we really question whether was a trainee crew? Showing how it OUGHT to be done noone was allowed off until ALL UC passengers had disembarked INCLUDING a wheel chair bound member - and this person not last UC off, resulting in a shuffling crocodile of UC/PE passengers behind the said passenger until the corridor widened enough to pass.
Immigration was painless except that the immigration official took exception to having to type my passport number by hand and RIPPED the VS stickers off the back of my passport before offering to throw them away. Grrrrrrrr. We went to the baggage collection and whilst this was good for us it was bad for UC passengers in that we got our clearly labelled PE luggage first! Take that strange EWR check in person! Out of customs and straight to our Addison Lee pickup who had us home in record time by the simple expedient of driving like a maniac! Go that man! Regretfully 24 hour drinking doesn't seem to have hit our Sainsburys Local and I was told off for trying to buy a bottle of booze at 22:40 on a Sunday evening... rum it is I guess as a sleep aid!
Night all - sorry it was a negative one!
